Just Humour Jokes

Parcel Farce

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Tuesday, 04 November 1997 Your Ref. 50591/5675190 OurRef. IM/3/4-12

Parcel Force,
Claims Manager,
9th Floor, Market Gate,
Bond Street,
Bristol.

Dear Sir;

Let me introduce myself. My name is Ian Mxxxxx and I am the chief engineer of a satellite receiver repair business in Swansea. About 90 per cent of our business is by mail order. On average we deal with about 50 repairs per week, most of these up until now arrived via parcel force and are returned by City Link; a national carrier service. In the 5 years that we have been trading, City Link have never damaged or lost any parcels, nor have they required me to waste vast amounts of time filling in any silly forms or hanging on the end of the telephone trying to trace lost items. They have never been surly or vague and they most certainly never accused me of lying or of being devious. Over the years tens of thousands of parcels have been safely delivered by them and I am happy with their service; unfortunately I cannot say the same of yourselves.

We are now quite used to parcels disappearing for weeks on end, only to turn up battered and with any delicate items smashed. I have put with this and carry stock of various lenses and cases to compensate. But recently three cases in particular have forced me to reconsider using your services at all.

1: Mr. Fxxxxxx from Blanau Ffestiniog in North Wales. A very nice chap who has used us a few times over the years. He sent us about, 18 months ago, a satellite receiver for repairs which arrived smashed. He had not packed it particularly, is receiver and sorted out his problem, advising him to pack any future items better and to take out insurance (a complete waste of time we were later to discover). In June this year his decoder failed and this time it was well packed and insured. It arrived smashed; after numerous phone calls and four months later, someone arrived to inspect it and said that it was too well packed to have been damaged; by implication either Mr. Fxxxxxx or myself are lying. Mr. Fxxxxxx was consequently told that it was not packed well enough for mechanical handling whatever that means. Is there some twilight zone between too well packed and not packed well enough where your insurance becomes operative?

2: Universal Cxxxxxx from Swindon. A very good customer of mine who does about £5,000 worth of business a year with us. We have dealt with them for many years and have found them a very reliable company, who pack their goods well (we receive a package from them almost every week without problem). On the 11th of September, I received a consignment from them that was very badly damaged, foolishly however, I had not kept all the packing material so you were able to wriggle out of responsibility for this one as well.

3: Mr. Geoff Kxxxxxx from Paris France. I received from him in August an Amstrad satellite receiver for repair. He was quite keen to have it back as soon as possible so I repaired it the same day. While we were talking on the telephone he told me how impressed he was with the service he had received from your French counterparts. To send it to me had only cost him the equivalent of £6 and I had received it within three days. As my carriers are quite expensive, about £15.00 for international carriage, we decided to send it Parcel Force (big mistake). I queued up in the post office for about 10 minutes, then had to wait while someone was phoned. It was determined that the cheapest way would cost £21, but I thought as it was the end of the day and I new he was in a hurry, I paid the money and said goodbye to the parcel never to be seen again. After a month Mr. Keay was now getting quite twitchy, so I phoned your claims people. I was then curtly asked if I had filled in a claim form and if not why not. One was duly sent. After filling in endless questions about the ins and outs of God Knows what, it was sent to you. Two weeks went by then I received a letter demanding that I provide the original receipt of purchase which, as it was not mine, I did not have one. Many expensive phone calls to France later Mr. Keay aquires a letter from Amstrad giving a valuation, which was duly sent to you. Another two weeks later I receive a letter saying that the parcel had been found and would be delivered shortly. After yet another two weeks, the now very angry Mr. Kxxxxxx phones from France to inform me that he still has not received it. Today I phoned your offices and was told that rather than going to Mr. Keay it was being returned to me surface mail and that I would have to pay to get it back, and might take a few weeks. What do you use to transport goods within the EEC, one elderly jogger? I have a good mind to report the item stolen.

Are you aware of the damage that these experiences are doing to your company? We advertise nationally and up until now our adverts have advised that goods be sent via parcel force; no longer. Our sister company is predominantly mail order and sends thousands of parcels a year. I have discussed my problems with my opposite number and they will no longer be using you. Satfix is one of the largest satellite servicing companies in the UK and I talk on a regular basis with many other companies, I write magazine articles and take part in various Internet newsgroups and forums; I won't be singing your praises. And I am sure that messrs Kxxxxxx and Fxxxxxx have friends and relatives that will be hearing all about how they have been treated. Had we been approached courteously and promptly I doubt whether it would have cost more than £100 to put all these matters right. It probably cost you more than that to send in a loss adjuster. And I can't imagine how much business this will cost you.

This letter is not a demand for recompense as I have already satisfied my customers and put it down to experience. Mr. Fxxxxxx will be sent a new decoder; Universal have already had their damaged items repaired at my expense, and I will not be charging for the repairs to Mr. Kxxxxxx's Amstrad. I do this because I value my customers and I hope that they will use my services again; I fear that neither they, nor I will be using yours.

Yours sincerely

Ian Mxxxxx Chief Engineer

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